Have To Go Through It!

 

 Sometimes, you just have to go through it!

 

As I was sorting through and organizing some things this past weekend, I came upon a gift I had bought my sister when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had forgotten to give it to her. For some reason at that time I kept thinking of the popular children's book, "We're Going on a Bear Hunt," a rhyme I had read to my children and my students many times. In every refrain some obstacle presents itself, and the following chant echoes again and again:

Can't go over it.

Can't go under it.

Can't go around it.

Have to go through it.

 

So needless to say, we are all dealt certain situations in life that all we can do is just go through it. There is nothing I would have wanted to do more then to take it all away or even take it upon myself, but I knew I couldn't and that she would have to go through it.

With this being Breast Cancer Awareness month, my purpose in sharing this story is three fold....

1) To have all women know the importance of being proactive and to also follow your own intuition, no matter what the medical experts say!

2) To honor my sister, Tammi Hottle, in being a breast cancer survivor and true inspiration to many!

3) To show the love and strength that comes from God, family, and friends!

 

The memory of April Fool's Day three years ago will never be erased. It was then that my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. What seemed a normal day turned anything but! ......NO JOKE!!

Going for her routine mammogram, close to a year previous to that April Fool's Day, something was seen in it so they called her back for further testing. They reassured her it was just a cyst. What was just a "cyst" would have been tested most likely in three months had the correct doctor received the results, well, I hate to say, but the results went to the wrong doctor in the wrong town and therefore was stuck in a wrong file for a year.

The cyst continued to grow throughout that year and become noticeable in size to the naked eye. Though her intuition told her something was not quite right, she trusted that all was well, for we certainly want to believe that as women. Besides, they said that her doctor would call her if she felt the need to test again soon. Of course, my sis was not aware that her results were not even at the correct office but rather filed in the office of a doctor she had never even heard of!

Considering she knew her own body and realizing the importance of her own intuition she proceeded further, although not as soon as she wished she would have now. Long story short....her instincts, as a woman who knows her own body, and what we like to think was the nudging of God that continued to be pressing upon her, led her to surrender to her fear and see what was happening.

Breast cancer was what was happening in this beautiful, fit, and what we thought to be healthy body! Thankfully she did take care of her body, ate right, exercised, and strived to make healthy choices, for little did she know just how much strength she would need for "such a time as this!"

At that point, the journey began...... mastectomy, chemo and radiation. Because of human error medically, the cancer, that could have been caught at an earlier stage, possibly needing only a lumpectomy, ended up being more advanced. So here she goes, visit after visit to the hospital, doctors, and....etc., etc., etc. Yes, the full gamut, with that being  followed up with reconstructive surgery.

 

That was one of the hardest journeys our family had ever went through. I will never forget the morning Mom called and said, "It's happening, her hair is coming out in handfuls." I drove right over to be there for her and try to bring some sort of comfort, but there truly were no words....just love....the love that is felt between two sisters. So I said, "Well, now is the time you can decide if you would like to call your beautician, for I know she would come over and shave it, and you can do it in private or we can do this as a family and celebrate the true beauty that is within you." It was her decision.

 

I went home with such sorrow in my heart witnessing all she was going through. She called me a few hours later and said, "let's all do this together." So we did and we toasted to her true beauty and how we were all going to fight this together. I will never forget as we stood around the table all together, Dad, our hero in life, taking his daughters hand, while

the clippers made way through her pretty head of hair. Of course to lighten the hurt I know Tammi sensed in all of us, she said, "Well, I sure wish I hadn't just spent all that money on coloring and cutting this a few weeks ago!"

The rest of the afternoon was spent with her two beautiful daughters bringing out all kinds of hats, earrings, and scarves....playing dress up with their beautiful mother as Tammi and I used to play as little girls. That was an indescribable touching time, yet heart wrenching as well. Though we tried to make it easier, nothing could help the still quiet moments when the day ended and night drew near, her laying down and waking up with the baldness that she would see daily in the mirror. With the culture that we live in and all the hype about appearance and beauty, it is one of the hardest things a woman has to face when going through chemotherapy.

The love and strength of family is so beautiful at times such as these. The times during chemo as she laid there, her daughters and our amazing mom, one of our other heroes in life, would always be there with her. Her husband was great and supportive through this as well and though extremely hard for him, he kept things as normal as he could for his family, all the while working hard in his family business. I was not able to go much because of work, but the times I did, my sister and her amazing children were such a beautiful example to all the other chemo patients there. They would talk with them, make them smile, and always had plenty of popsicles  to hand out for all who would desire one. (Chemo is extremely hard on the mouth and throat so popsicles were of great help.) Tammi always put the needs of the other patients and her own nurses before her self. Her children would always bring such joy and laughter to her while trying to ease her pain.

Another thing that always stands out to me is how no matter how horrible she felt, she never complained and she never wanted her children to worry. She kept the pain to herself and a day did not go by that she did not make herself get out of bed. She always put her makeup on and tried to look of vibrant health for the sake of her children so they would not be consumed with worry and doubt. With two daughters in college and one son that was just starting high school, she did not want to burden them for they were at their own monumental moments in life. For the love of her children and spouse, she forged ahead. That was so admirable to me because I knew there were days she would have much rather stayed in bed. Talk about a true fighter!

One moment of beauty was when she shares the story of dropping her son off at school. Well, when she got home she realized that she forgot to put her wig on and only had a bandanna on. She felt so bad and when he arrived home from school, she apologized to him and he said, "Mom, don't think anything about it, they just thought you were wearing a do-rag!" They laughed and all was well.

Tammi had a very loving and supportive Church family as well as many wonderful solid friends who helped her through this time as well. The community came together in such a way to help also. We were all so blessed and humbled through this ugly time of life.
 

I now have to share about Tammi. I was so in awe of her attitude and spirit through this all. She is such an inspiration to all of us as well as to so many other cancer patients. I have said to her, I don't know that I could have been as strong. She told me that right after her diagnosis she thought "Why me?"......and instantly she then thought, "Why not me? I am no different then any other who can be hit with this." I have to say from that moment on, I never heard her complain once. She was amazing!

Now let me tell you why, not only from her own self, beliefs, and ways...but from our amazing Spirit of God within, that is why she is who she is. Tammi is a beautiful Christian who would testify that it is because of Him first and foremost, and then the love of her family, and friends that helped her through. The medical team she had after this all began was wonderful too.

I could go on and on but I just want to honor her this month. The same comfort and strength she was given she will now be able to give others that will go through the same thing. That my friends is what our Amazing God calls us to do! We, as Christians, have the privilege to help others through the same burdens and heartaches we ourselves have experienced. Whether it be health issues, personal issues, spiritual issues or whatever. We have been given these things in life for some reason and so now, what we can do to make it all not be in vain, is use our experiences to help others...........and that is the amazing thing about God and this life which we live, is that we can do just that! He sees us as worthy to be used by Him!

Sometimes though life can be messy, all we can do is just........GO THROUGH IT!!!!!! 

 

and.............................FOLLOW THROUGH!

 

To God be the glory forever and ever.......AMEN!...and my sis would say the same!!!!

 

P.S..........it has been three years at this time and all reports continue to be great! PRAISE HIM!!!